ECLIPSE

Today we saw a partial lunar eclipse and were again reminded about how small and fragile we are in this big vast universe. The beauty and the vastness of the universe amazes me.

The Eclipse brought back memory from my childhood, a memory that I did know I had. I was 9 or 10 years old when we in India experienced a full solar eclipse, the year must be 1994 and I was told not to go to school the next day and I was excited about it. The day began with me getting out of the bed, rolling my bed and rushing to the bathroom, but I was told not to touch anything.

All the furniture in our house was moved to a corner and we were asked to sit on a "chatai" and pray, my dad, mom, grandmom were all there, me and my sister joined the gang and we started reciting everything we were thought. 

We prayed and prayed, my grandmom was most worried and shocked, we joined the worried stage and started praying aloud so God can hear us. We forgot to ask what is that we are scared of, we were just so damn scared.

It all came to an end in few hours and we could hear commotion outside our house, I ran to the window to take a look (Now this is the memory I had today), there were beggars, around thousand beggars on the street asking for food, clothes, water. This was the first time in my life I had seen so helpless and timid people, they were simply not the regular beggars we used to encounter in India.

I saw people throwing clothes at them, from their window of-course, all my neighbors, every one started throwing clothes at them and they collected it all, but no one stepped out. something was out there which could have harmed but surprisingly did nothing to these beggars.

After some time people stepped out, it was a festive mode, people started offering food to these beggars, all the left over food, my mom started washing our house, literally washing, like with a hose-pipe. I could not understand what was happening but was busy celebrating our survival over something and I took all the credit for praying and saving us all from this unknown danger of the Eclipse.

I understood all these many years later when I was studying in junior college in Nashik. What we did back then, in our innocence and misguided fear was the worst form of caste based discrimination in Indian history. The beggars were "dalits" or the lowest in the caste system created by hindu religion, we being upper caste were not supposed to go out of the house as Eclipse (grihan in hindi) pollutes everything, and these "dalits" are supposed to roam, eat, wear clothes that are deemed polluted by the rest of the castes (rest of the country). Our celebration of giving clothes and food was our way of pushing them further down caste ladder, making them feel insignificant and worthless and their fault is they being born into it.

Today those memories came back gushing, I feel bad for the people born in that era, generations together of these "dalits" had to suffer a lot of said/unsaid humiliation by people who were unaware of what they were doing.

Today the caste system is not there, The stigma still prevails, I am happy that in my city nor the village I used to live in do this any more. These and many more such customs have deprived dalits in India of the basic human rights they should have been born with. 

Today we all speak about caste based reservations in government jobs, universities, schools for dalits,  many are also angry on why are these "dalits" getting preferential treatment, I would say its necessary, Its necessary for few decades to make up for mistakes done for centuries together.

Life as I knew it

Life is unpredictable, it's uncertain and takes sharp turn at every corner.
I got married on jan 23 and was diagnosed with "end stage renal failure" on feb 26 (same year)
I am 29 and had no idea what does that mean, I was having a great time enjoying my newly married life ( or at least trying to) when one fine day I gotta call from my doctor at exactly10:15 pm on 26 feb 2013 which said I need to get admitted in the hospital immediately and it's very serious, I not comprehending the seriousness of the situation asked him if I could get admitted after the movie I had plans to watch at 10:30, he could not believe what he was hearing and said u need to get admitted NOW and there is no time to waste on a phone call.

Me and my wife headed for doctors place having a casual chat on our way there and had no idea what is in store for us. I got out of the car and went inside. I was there with my wife and doctor had a serious look on his face as if he did not know what to make out of the blood report he had in his hand. I was calm and was trying to understand the situation. He said let's go to hospital and get u admitted. I WALKED to the hospital and got admitted, a nephrologist came in few minutes later and asked me few question regarding my health and if I have any prevailing medical condition ( general firsthand diagnosis type q and a) I made a sincere effort to address each and every question as if my life depended upon it (which did btw).

I was told I need to rest here in hospital and they put me on an Iv. I slept through the night like a baby with nothing to worry or do. My family had reached the hospital and looked tensed.
The next day early morning they shifted me to Jaslok hospital mumbai, at the front desk the nurse asked me what is wrong with me, I showed her my blood reports and she could not believe her eyes, I think she even had a mini heart attack (lol). My paper work was processed at lighting speed and within few minutes I was shifted on the 13th floor of the hospital with a sea facing new and ultra modern hospital bed and decent interiors which looked like it was done in parts and pieces but overall it did put up a good show.

About half an hour later a doctor riding on his wheel chair pulled inside my room with few assistants. He was a handicapped person with a assuring smile on his face and an aura filled with positive energy, he was the kind of doctor who commands your trust in just one meet and so there I was facing this doctor sitting on a wheel chair and smiling and asking me questions, more or less the same one which I had answered last night to another doctor in another city.

I was surrounded by my parents, my friends and in one corner I could see my wife standing, she like me had no idea what is going on and was smiling and hoping and I think praying. The doctor after about 10 mins of q/a declared in front of all of them that both my kidneys are not working, not even performing 10% of their capacity.

I was shocked I looked across room and realised my friends and family looked shattered, surprisingly more shattered than I am, so I thought may be I did not hear it right, so I asked again and the answer was still the same.

I processed the information in my brain and tried my level best to grasp the situation, I could not get a hang of it, I could not breathe out, I seemed like the air going inside my lungs got trapped there and had no way to escape, I started feeling giddy and light headed, I started yawning and just cold not stop yawning, I guess my mind thought its a dream, but it was not, I was there, yawning in front of all the people in the room.

The doctor spoke again and said the exact same sentence. He said your condition is very critical, you might not know but your condition right now is in "the danger zone" ( that's doctors way of saying you could die any moment now) and he continued " we need to take you out of the danger zone, the only option we have right now is to dialyse you."

I am an architect, all this medical words made no sense to me plus the added info about non functioning kidneys had made my thinking ability go for a toss. He then explained to me how they are gonna dialyse me, I can remember only bits and pieces of the entire explanation, it had something to do with putting a tube in the neck that will go though my vein and reach all the way till my chest. I was still yawning.

I like any other normal human being am afraid of operations. I was operated that day for the first time as they slid the tube down my neck up-to my chest, even though they had given me a local anaesthesia I could still feel the tube going down my neck, then my throat and in my chest.

The operation started and as they gave me injection in my neck to make it numb I kept saying to myself and the surgeon "I have done nothing wrong to deserve this, this could not be happening to me" and doctor kept saying "its ok, this is a phase and it too shall pass."

The phase did pass in half an hour and I was out there in dialysis ward for the next phase "the dialysis." The dialysis ward has 12 beds and there are patients who are hooked to a machine either though arm or through neck, in my case it was the neck, the machine pumps out blood from your body, cleans it, filters it (like kidneys does for us on a daily basis) and pumps it back into your body and this thing goes on for 4 straight hours and repeated every other day, for some strange reason patients around me did not behave like patients, they all were hooked to machine and talked about stuff from their daily life, with each other and with dialysis staff and technician.

I was shocked not because their conversation was weird but because the conversation had a continuity from the past and link to future dates. That's when it hit me, this dialysis is not a one time thing or few days thing, it's an ongoing process for years together, where every alternate day these people without fail hooks themselves to this machine and share a common enemy (kidney failure). They are a clan, they have a common enemy and shares an army to fight it and now whether I want it to be my battle or not I am a part of it, I am inside the clan and I am one of them now. The feeling of being accepted could mean a lot of things but this acceptance felt very lonely.

I was dialyzed for next few days when doctors ran numerous tests on me to confirm and reconfirm the kidney failure. After 7 days of tests and scans I was told that there is no medicine in entire world to cure this disease and the only option (if I want to live that is) I have is to get a kidney transplant. They (doctors) got me out of the "danger zone" and now if I want to stay on this side of the zone I need to get a kidney transplant as soon as possible.

As it is the entire family, not to forget my newly wed bride was in deep shock at the news of the kidney failure but the additional news about transplant had shattered all hope and left us all gasping for air, praying for a miracle and running around the city showing reports to various doctors and specialist looking for a ray of hope.

The more we prayed, the more we hoped for a miracle and more we hoped the harder it became for us to accept and face the reality. Eventually after fighting with the reality for 7 more days we made our peace with it and started accepting the fact that i need to get a kidney transplant in order to continuing living this life (I am a Hindu so I believe that there is another life after death).

In India there is a government law which states that one can only take a kidney from the blood relatives that is parents, siblings and blood related uncles. My blood group is o+ and the only match in "blood relatives" that I had was my mothers blood group. My mother being a generous human and a loving mother opted to donate the kidney without any hesitation and I would never know how to thank her for giving me life once again.

We (my family) enquired about various hospitals all across the world for kidney transplant, no doubt the hospital I was in very competent to do the said surgery but we were looking for the best place and with best of doctors, we found out through many sources that "muljibhai Patel urological hospital" at nadiad, a small town near Ahmedabad in the sate of Gujrat does the maximum number of kidney transplant in Asia and has a 99.99% success ratio.

As the acceptance of the situation had prepared us for the surgery we boarded a train to nadiad on march 14 ( my wife's birthday), we reached nadiad late at night and got in bed at our rented studio apartment.

The next morning we climbed out of bed and went to the hospital. The hospital building had a phase construction look upon it, it looked as if there has been numerous restoration to the structure and various pieces has been altered, removed and added time and again. The rooms also reflected the phase planning, with air-conditioning unit dating back to the invention of the air-conditioning. The beds belonging to an different era altogether and most importantly there was no fixed furniture, as if they might need to change this patient room into and operation theatre anytime.

Then we headed to meet out new nephrologist. Unlike the previous nephrologist this doctor was not at all polite or calm or had that trust me looks, he had the aura of a person who knows what he is doing and is proud about it. It took me no time to realise that he speaks only what is correct, not politically correct or socially correct but correct with respect to the medical condition of the patient and keeping in mind capabilities of the medical field. It sounds very rude when u listen to it for the first time because that's not what you want to hear from a doctor, you want the doctor to tell you that you will fine soon but as I said he spoke what is correct not what is pleasing to hear or socially amicable.

He too suggested and immediate transplant, by this time we had got used to the whole " get immediate transplant" talk and did not hesitate to start the process of transplant, in the mean time they needed me to stay in hospital for few days so they can run some test and re-reconfirm my kidney status, the results came out as expected and once again doctors pronounced my kidneys jobless.

The transplant process started and as simple as it may sound it is not easy at all especially for donor ( my mother) it involves a lot of test and a lot of paperwork. I was discharged from the hospital but my mom used to go to hospital very day to get herself checked as a possible donor, she went though a series of tests and was given a new task every day, it's like she used to sit for a set of exams every day and the next day was the results, if she clears the previous days exams with flying colours then and only then she is allowed to take the next test. This went on for another 15 days.

In the mean time I was being dialysed at the hospital every alternate day. The tube that doctors at jaslok hospital had so carefully placed inside me was removed in another operation that I underwent and was now placed slightly above my chest and now a set of tubes jutteing out of my upper chest ( not the coolest of sight). During dialysis a patient is allowed to drink only 1 litre of fluids per day, which means I can drink only one bottle of water per day and other fluids like juice and milk  was banned, plus as the kidney is not functioning the water does to get converted into urine and is instead stored inside the body mostly in legs (due to gravity, i guess) so every time one gets dialysed certain amount of water is also pumped out of the body to maintain your "dry weight"
As all this is going on, with summer heat and stress and moms daily tests and results we managed a few outings into few local restaurants just to change the whole mood.

Finally moms tests were done and she was declared a winner, then came the next phase, the paperwork. It has been 15 days since we arrived in nadiad, the government paper work took another 7 days as a detective agency did the background check on me and my family member to prove that said person is my mother, the reports came in and we were taken to district attorney to register with the government an undertaking that my mother is donating me one of her kidney and I am accepting it.

All this said and done we were now on a long list of patients ahead of us waiting patiently for their date of transplant. We got a date of 16 April 2013 (my second birthday from now on) for the transplant. I had a mixed feeling about it, I was torn between not so happy and very sad as none of it still made me think of the clan as my own.

The whole time while we were waiting for the test, for the paperwork we met a lot of patients who were transplanted either recently or few months back, all moving around in the hospital premises running around getting their blood checked, buying medicines and doing the daily activity with ease. All this still looked like someone else's clan to me and I thought I cannot be one of them, I am different, I am special and I cannot belong to such a clan.

The operation was 2 days away and I was again admitted into the hospital this time to prep me for the operation and of course the operation itself. I was given drugs to suppress my immune system so my body will accept the kidney that will be transplanted into my body. Those tablets are so powerful that it gave me a heart burn for almost 2 days, while all this was going on let's not forget the set of tube still jutting out of my upper chest which forces me to sleep on my back and does not allow to curl on my side.

The night before the operation me and my mom were shifted into a special transplant ward. This ward was nothing like the fancy jaslok hospital ward, the beds were old, the tiling and overall decor was very oddly selected, as if they decided to tile half the floor and then realised we "have" to tile the remaining and then half heartily did the remaining tile work. With no connection between any furniture items or the walls, all the furniture looked movable, the shelves, the table, the beds all could be moved and if time comes could be shifted into another room or hospital and the ward could be used as an uninterrupted banquet space.

The night as expected was tough on me, I was on immuno-suppressive drug which gave me a heartburn and anticipation of the next day kept me awake the entire time. I somehow managed to sleep for a couple of hours before a nurse woke me up at 5:00 in the morning, surprisingly I was not annoyed, I got up like its the last day of my life and I have tasks to complete, soon I realised I don't have any task but to wait, wait without thinking, wait patiently for the doctors to call me into the operation room.

I waited and waited for what seems like days together I was there with other patients who had been recently transplanted but my mouth was dry and my throat was chocking with fear. I was trying not to think at all but could not help but think, I kept thinking, I don't remember what but I recollect a lot of thinking, like brainstorming. At around 9:00 am a man dressed in pink clothes walked towards me and told me to get up as he was instructed to move me to the O.T. Finally the moment had come, my legs started shaking, I suddenly started feeling dizzy but before I could understand, let alone express my thought I was on the operation table, the man in pink along with few nurses removed all my clothes and asked me to stretch my arm in a crucifix manor, I did as instructed and they without wasting any time tied me down to the table.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I instructed my body to be good and take care of itself. Within few minutes the room was filled with people in green dresses, they sounded familiar but looked different. One of the surgeon told me that he is gonna operate on me and assured me that the I won't feel a thing during the surgery. For some strange reason I thought I had heard this before, my mind immediately responded to my query with a scene from greys anatomy, I was trying to recollect the episode and what happened to that particular patient when suddenly I started feeling cold and I started dreaming. I dreamt about green lush gardens, trees, beautiful flowers and breeze that flows over all this, I dreamt about big trees and wondered how big trees become big trees, while doing all this I could feel somebody poking me in my abdomen area with a blunt needle, it felt ticklish and I though this is weird it should feel painful, why am I feeling ticklish? Then a voice came to me it said "Chetan, Chetan, get up" I tried opening my eyes but could not, I tried moving my arms but could not, I was in deep sleep and voice became louder and clearer now, I opened my eyes and saw a tube coming out of my mouth and that's when I realised there is a tube in my mouth and I could feel it in my throat. I was asked to cough but I could not, I was asked again several times but I just could not cough. They removed the pipe with a snap and told me my operation was done and I need to rest now. I opened my mouth and said "thank you doctor, but I could feel it when you were stitching my stomach"

I underwent the surgery and that part was over, now I am in post operative care and I am thankful to God for the second life.

This is the view of the hospital from my window

http://youtu.be/a89t6e8Q0RA

Peace
CD

Wishers Clan

We all have done something that we regret for years to come or we sure "wish" we would had done things differently, I am no exception to the "wishers" clan. There is no major decision that I had taken for a while that could change anything with me or my life but I recently took one and it changed everything, trust me when I say "everything."

Yes you guessed it, I am getting married. There is no way I could say that with a grin on my face, you see I am not one of those doing things right kind of a guy, the type who plan their day in advance or who has a plan for the rest of their lives, or those who think about the future and try and shape it as per their wish. I am "not" that person. I am more of "right now" type, who does things as per his wish and loves simple things in life, like writting a blog or reading a book or just sleeping for that matter.

I do things with passion and I prefer doing that ways, I just cant do things for the heck of it. 

Now anyone would think "ok, I hope you have a point, apart from ramblling self praise." I do have a point and I do want to make a point and most importantly I want my conversation to make sense.

This is my problem here, women makes no sense to me at all.. I dont get it, I dont get it a bit. I mean what difference does it make if I got up at 9 or 10 in the morning to my fiance who is atleast 100 miles away, but they have this unknown (or unknown to men) kind of urge to be perfect, like their entire life is a walk on the ramp.

Just when all these was cooking up in my mind and I was thinking and rethinking I found this article
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176281/Generation-refuse-grow-No-mortgage-No-marriage-No-children-No-career-plan-Like-30-somethings-Marianne-Power-admits-shes-.html

Thats when it hit me: I am the generation which is in denial.
I am the generation which is refusing to accept its responsibilities
I am the generation which has a future but wishes to stay in past
I am the generation with "I dont care" strapped all around me.

"In fact, I’m starting to think that there is a very real danger that, before long, I’ll be the last guest at the party, dancing alone, long after the music stops. And I don’t want that."

"Apparently, we’re propping up bars across the country, hoping the dim light disguises our wrinkles and that our Topshop outfits help us to blend in with the 20-somethings around us. And that’s a very sad thought. Perhaps it is time to finally grow up.

Maybe after the summer..."

Thts amore!!!

This song is stuck in my head for quite a few days now... beautiful lyrics.

Songs like these which brings the flavour of culture and music along with them are beyond awesome!!

3 legged dog!

"Hi I am Chetan and I am single" there should be a help group for all the single guys & girls out there, especially those whose friends are married.
Married (recently married) couple starts behaving like a 2 headed one single decission making organism (scary!) and thus making all the single people feel rejected and less worthy of any social or behavioural construct.
Recently I have stumbled upon few (many) married couple and I must say they all look the same to me, they all behave in the same way and they all have more or less exact same conversations, the favorite being "u still single" conversation.
I mean, I don't have any issues with the question but the question followed by a 30 deg head tilt and a sympathy look is something that have started to make me sick in my stomach, they (organism) give you the exact same look that one bestows upon a homeless/ugly looking underprivileged child or a three legged dog trying to climb a staircase.
These couples (organism) have a nack of turning any conversation/compliment into a relationship advisory session. I warm you of any of the following situations:
A public gathering
Your own birthday
Your friends birthday
Any major public holiday
Pubs/restaurant
Walking alone on a street
To sum it all up you cannot risk to meet or be seen in any public place or at any social/cultural gatherings unless u are prepared to bear the wroth of a syncronised 30 deg head angle and an "awwww."
Just the other day I was walking down the street (needless to say alone :p) and one of the couple friends ( if we are still calling them that) spotted me, I swear by god they gave me a syncronised 30 deg hand angle with a sympathy filled eyes. I almost thought they saw a 3 legged puppy but then realized I am the 3 legged puppy trying to walk by myself.
On any public holiday these organism makes plans to go out with you and then at the every last moment they come up with an excuse that no single person can argue or question the authenticity : "the mother-in-law excuse" I mean no single person knows what is it exactly to have a mother-in-law to start with and how does one respond to them (mother-in-law) is beyond the thinking ability of any single person. We generally have to keep a safe distance from asking the organism to make any rash decission thus going out and drinking our lever out is the only feasible option we have.
What is beyond me is the decission making process adapted by this organism. Their decission to any activity is subjected to a lot of parameters and even a slight change to any of the parameter might change the activity itself not only that there is a domino effect on all other plans as well. For example: you are have a perfectly normal evening doing nothing, discussing random stuff and doing absolutely nothing apart from talking and laughing. For some strange reason one head of the organism has a headache, that's it, there goes the entire evening, the conversation, the nothingness. Not only is the evening shattered but the other head of the organism makes sure the earlier head rests for the next few days and cancelling all the upcoming plans to meet until further notice. Forcing all the single people to hit the bar and drink our lever out.
If you are "still" single (30deg head tilt-pun intended) you know what I am talking about. If you are Married and are still reading this, you better behave when u next see a three legged dog walking down the street.

Over and out
Peace
CD

Architect or something like it....

"Well Architect huh!! that must be interesting" is the comment I have got used to when ever I tell some one my profession, but I have never quite understood why people think that ways.

I mean there is no reason to think we are anything different from any number crunching, file churning needlessly vulnerable to modern life style person.

But then I realized it today why they say that, what they actually mean is :

"Architect huh!! (You are poor) must be interesting (Poor bastard, may be homeless, malnourished, how does he lives with himself)"

So now I have stopped telling people what I do, If some one asks me my profession, I simply nod and say, I am in construction business :P, by doing that I have gained respect in my community not only am I respected also all the new people I meet actually calls me back for upcoming events in their lives .. ha  ha. I am not used to such kind of respect and kinda feel like I have power on them that would govern their lives and people feel if they are friends with me they can save a lot of money on their next home or help them invest the millions they already have.. ha ha .

If there was a pyramid like the food pyramid for construction activity, I am sure Architects would fall at the bottom of the pyramid, ya you read it right, just below the construction worker, way below the contractor, and miles below the land owner or builder.

Recently when few of my friends met, obviously all my friends are Architects. Now this is something that i don't get, all my friends are Architects, all of them, I mean I have studied Architecture for 7 years and lived for 27, I don't know what happened to all my other friends or magically when I joined Architecture they all decided to not talk to me (may be they already knew, I was gonna be poor or something :P) but any ways all my friends talked about volumes of money their clients made by selling the buildings they had designed. All had pride in their eyes as they had made some builder a rich man. Anyways I should get back to work, I am gifted with the power to make some Rich dude Richer and as you all know with great powers comes great responsibilities :D

Peace

Have a great year ahead!!!

Years Later....

I have moved to India and love my job, life and overall experience here.

When I moved I had my doubts about moving back, even I had doubts about me holding my self back here, but I am very happy to say that I love coming back and looking back in retrospective, it was one of the best decision of my life.

I work the entire week (including Sundays) but for some strange reason never get tired or bored of the job. Almost all the days I get up with a list of things to do on my mind and fight with time through out the day to check mark things on the list. I love being busy. I love being out there doing stuff I really enjoy doing.

I have moved back and now there is a vague recollection of USA in my mind, sometimes I have a felling that I have never been there.

The transition was good and I love being here.

All that said and done I am amazed how priorities change in ones life. Not a very long time ago, my priorities were to find a job, get an apartment and settle down. Now my priorities are to hire more people build an apartment building and settle down. Now it might look like few words altered to all of you but trust me there is a huge difference between them.

Looking back and reminiscing all the time I had and spent in the USA, studying, worrying and fooling around and worrying more about the future has all gone by so fast and with such an ease.

They say "Life happens to you when you are busy making other plans" and I cant agree more.

I have learned not to worry about the future not to reminiscence the past. I have learnt not to love with a closed heart nor to hate with an open one. I have learned not to treat things as permanent nor to change them often. I have learned not to let go nor to hold on.

I guess this is how it is to grow up, I am sure there are challenges to face and moments to cherish and I wish there is time in between all this to sip a coffee, write a blog and read a book.

Peace